When Helping is Hard as a Therapist

Someone I love hugely has been struggling lately.

Several people, actually. I think so many 'successful' people are finding life tougher than ever right now - although they may be ashamed to admit it, even to themselves.

I feel so privileged that they trust me enough and are brave enough to talk about it. That's huge.

And I have nothing but respect and admiration for them. I'm not sure I would have been that brave or honest when I was struggling with my mental health. In fact I'm 99% sure I wouldn't.

The daily stresses and struggles we feel are often our deepest and most difficult secrets - so many of us are trained to suck them all up silently and be 'grateful'. Right?

Especially when we're supposed to be "successful" and "should" be happy.

Breaking that mask is hard.

That's why so many people never actually seek help.

Not until it's too late.

I'm so thankful they're reaching out 🙏🏼

But where I'm headed with this is that as a therapist or coach, it can be SO hard to tread that line with people you know and love.

We understand that advice doesn't work unless people are receptive to it and able to even fathom taking it on board - not just consciously but subconsciously. Playing the 'well meaning' expert and telling them what to do would put up walls, not break them down.

We also don't want to step into professional mode when we haven't been asked to - to do that would change the dynamic of those relationships forever - potentially shattering the foundations of the most important role we can play - loved one and confidante.

They're not asking me to help as a therapist.

They're asking me to hear them and be there.

I need to respect that.

But I want to help. Of course I do. And I know a few things that could potentially make a difference - outside of them getting some decent, solution-focused therapeutic support - which I have gently suggested.

That's why I've invited them just to do something incredibly simple, manageable, powerful, and scientifically validated to the hilt - that takes less than 5 minutes a day.

And... it's working.

Today I received a message saying that for the second weekend in a row, one of the people I love most in the world is no longer finding themselves feeling utterly miserable.

And I think I could cry.

In the absolute best possible way 🥲