'You've really upset me'.
'I'm so disappointed in you'.
'I'm embarrassed to be seen with you looking like that'.
'Who do you think you are'?
'You don't measure up'.
'Maybe I should do it instead'.
And a million other little criticisms and insults I’ve encountered in my life.
Maybe some of them feel familiar?
Maybe you have a few of your own that really sting, or feel like they leave an indelible mark on your heart.
Words can be carelessly thrown around - sometimes even used intentionally as weapons - and they can wound us, deeply.
IF we choose to accept them, that is.
Or, maybe… not choose to accept them, so much as already believe we're unworthy. At least in part.
These kinds of words once would have floored me, or had me seething with (barely suppressed) rage. They might have drawn me into a battle of one-upmanship or furious determination to prove myself - as though scoring points and denting the perpetrator’s ego would somehow heal the hurt.
(It never does - it just generates MORE rage and attachment to the pain).
But now, the insults - whether intended or imagined - just simply slide away like water off a duck's back.
And those indelible marks prove to be washable, after all.
How so zen?
Because along the way, on this journey to feeling inherently enough, I've been fortunate enough to learn one simple thought process that has shifted my whole world.
And that’s this.
These thoughts aren't facts, they're opinions.
They're often coming from a place of fear, resentment or insecurity on the part of the person or people in question.
And they don't have to belong to me too.
The thing is, when we learn to think about where the intention of those words is coming from, rather than focusing our mental energy on where they’re landing - often we can see that it’s not actually about us at all.
It might simply be bad luck that we’ve landed in someone’s line of fire, that day.
Often, they’re highlighting something they see as inadequate in themselves and projecting it on to whoever the easiest target may be (lucky us!).
And sometimes, there’s no real intention behind it at all.
And if we can fundamentally learn to believe we're good, trust in our own intentions, allow ourselves to make mistakes, let ourselves fall flat on our faces...
...and know that it's ok to be human and we'll just pick ourselves up again and do differently next time...
... then those words have no power at all.
We can simply thank ourselves for loving and trusting ourselves enough not to believe in that sh!t - and go merrily on our way, without a shred of doubt or a dent to our confidence.
That doesn't mean never being humble or accepting criticism - we’re all human. We can all learn and do better. Some would say that’s why we’re here.
And it doesn't mean believing you're some kind of magical, star-spangled infallible unicorn who’s above everyone and everything.
It's simply about having the self-worth to learn and grow from our mistakes - without getting lost in them or getting sucked into everyone else's drama - and backing our best selves all the way.
Remember:
It might be THEIR opinion.
But YOU get to choose what you do with it.
Please do let me know if this has landed for you today, I’d love to hear.
A x
Over in The Living Journal®️ - my free AND paid mindset subscription - we have a wonderful thing called Worthy Wednesday.
It's become a theme... because EVERYTHING starts with self-worth.
Think about it... if we're not feeling worthy, we don't feel confident.
We don't take the steps forward that our most confident selves would take.
We don't go after the opportunities... or command the rewards and respect we deserve.
And the world, in turn, doesn't get the BEST of us!
So, today I invite you to start shifting that self-worth of yours up a gear by forgetting everything that's 'wrong' with you (which actually = nothing)... and focusing instead on what's right.
Come and join us over in The Living Journal®️ and share your thoughts!
We would LOVE to meet you (and every single one of your beautiful quirks).